Tis few weeks, im bz with things at cf and my study.......at first i think i can handle it pretty well. but the ugly truth is that i suddenly felt like im starting to crack somehow. The feeling is not good at all, i sense the urgency of some changes made on cf but i juz cant do it. Every1 is like doing their own thing and or i can rather say, they abandone it? ther was no sense of unity at all......between all the cf committee members. Got bf go find bf, wan kao lui go kao lui, bz wit study de, and another headache 1 is he does things all by his own without our notification........juz left a brother who had a same view that something nid 2 b changes. b4 tis i said loud and clear that i will cooperate with the brother to make some changes. but now seems like, the changes havnt been made and im starting to crack. im sick of choosing my study or my religion. balancing the 2 things is the most fxxking hard thing in my life i think, at least for now. when i finish the things at cf (which practically say is a forever unfinish business), then i would had to catch up my studies.
i muz concentrate on my study because im the only son at my family. the family needs me man. i cant afford to extend 1 sem or get delayed my graduation. and in the other hands, doing God's work is also a very important task for me also, i wont c it lightly. so, ther is some controversy going on. 2day, i had a fxxk up day. morning i had a badminton session bcoz a cf's brother suddenly had a test and he cant handle it. then at noon i need to go teach a junior abt coding (1st time teach ppl leh, after 3 yrs i had been in uthm.) that i havnt been looking at it for 1 yr. So, at nite, i nid 2 go out with my lovely housemate farewell dinner la. He is going to be a lecturer at curtin university at sarawak.
Juz dono la, i think got the heart wana to serve the lord more, i tend to get tired more easily........sometimes i really wanted to had a life like others typical university students, like hang out wit boys and girls ar, ply counterstrike together ar, or go travel. without anything related to cf or churches. coz recently seems like im whole life is full of those 'things' onli. recently i seldom calls my mum coz i noe i cant bak home so frequently bcoz of cf and homework.
Next, like i said my housemate is moving out. He is the 1 who is paying the large portion of the rental most of the time coz he os working. after his departure, the rental is really gonna b a big problem. if not mistaken, i nid 2 pay abt rm200 or more per month for the rental if he is gone. tis time i really nid 2 eat grass baru boleh survive lo......
Those problems i faced might been small cases to u all, but for me, is like a hell of a problems. i had a happy go lucky attitude, but when i started to get serious, it seems like it drags me down my power drastically. is like u suddenly using a c70 motor kap to speed up until 100 somthing mph, possible? the combination of those shits, is more than i can handle. im trying hard to b more positive, but i juz cant stop the fatigue inside my mental self. an dilemma is going on, whether is shld continue like tis or juz concentrate on my study, practically i think my parents are more important to me. dono la, the bottom line is i don like choosing, especially all the option given means so damn much to me.
Some bad thoughts also sometimes, if im a more typical university student and din joined cf. will i still b single and kinda not available? haha, dono lo, better go ask God.
enough of thrash talks......gd nite everyone............
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