Im still the old me huh?

Always had some weird feeling when i com bak study at Parit Raja. Seems like i wont had that kind of feeling during my primary or secondary school, i wonder y? The feeling of worthless and useless keep on attacking me.......and i keep telling myself i can overcome tis coz i had gone through 3 yrs of studies at here already. I shld b strong enough to withstand all of tis.........craps or shits that happen around me.

If u all don noe me that well, well im basically a 'lazy' kind of person. I onli get serious when somthing got my attention.........but however seems like i cant withstand it somehow although the things does attracted my attention and interest. Recently, PSM is been a headache, the test 2 is very near(and i din study abit), cf is basically a 2 men show or rather 1 and half men show( the half of it is me la, i din contribute much), and my housemate brings back his wife to live at our house. And somehow it annoys me, not bcoz of his wife though.......but i cant stop thinking those stupid things i did in the past, i dono how explain it. Accumulate all those element i mention juz now, it turns out to be a big pile of shit hole......that had unlimited supply of shit.

I had the urge to juz put down everything or run away and juz mainly focus on my own studies......my studies recently drop drastically, i felt terribly sry to my parents. Guess im not the kind of person that can really withstand pressure huh? i try to take the 1st step to say that im strong enough to taken care of tis things.........seems like im lost and defeated. I fail on my studies and i fail to kept my promises i had made with God...........felt completely useless........all my darkest nightmare com haunting me at once.

God can i? i really felt tired and i dono wat to do.......the words 'giving up' keeps pops up in my mind. What shld i do? Is the determination we made does really matters? I felt really dulan liao, can i juz go home every week and be a PBSM from now on.......believe me or not, i felt i wan 2 cry dy liao.......hope i can really withstand it........

i wan solution ar !!!!!!!

The tear rush feeling

Today is the day im going bak good old 'king drain' aka Parit raja again. i going bak seremban to claim the warranty of my phone that i had only used for 3 months.......haiz.

Its been a bad week for me so far......i nearly make my motor 'puncit', i had to find a new house to live next semester, my phone broke, my co-supervisor giving me a hard task that until now i cant solve and yeah most importantly, i been having severe diarrhea for 2 days. FML.

Its seems like so much had happen in a split second, suddenly everything is rushing towards u. The tear rush feeling i mention above is today after i hoop on the bus back to PR. Before the bus starts, i starring at my mum and dad who is there starring at my bus also, waiting the bus to leave. Juz dono y, i felt like crying suddenly while starring at them. I felt so terrible that, they sacrifice almost their whole life to raise me up. And all i do was having sucks greds and cant even think of some simple coding. I felt is not rite to study far away frm them and cant b at their side. All i do s using their money onli........Recently, many of my frens had 'pull red curtain' dy, and sadly to say that i din even 'pak tou' or bring a girl home to show to my parents. Sry mum, sry dad........although my age is more than enough to go 'pak tou' but juz dono y it will end up like tis. People said, don be to obsess of a tree since ther is a big forest of tree available, but my thinking r a bit weird though. I believe that ther will b onli juz 1 tree that is suitable for me nia......juz dono when i would found it.

LAst week when to genting(thats the place i got my diarrhea frm i think), the celaka punya security guard always checks my IC everytime i enter the casino. Am i that young or my face juz look very suspicious. I wonder...........

Felt abit better after spilting out all this craps........hope 2mrw will be a better day and hopefully i can figure how to do my psm la.......God bless me and God u all too la........Every1 gd nite and sweet dream......

Senior convo......

Haha, i usually don attend senior's convo coz im lazy, juz that simple. tis year however, i changed coz 'her' is going to graduated......haha

She is the senior i most respected in cf. She had nthg special though but her consistency of her serving God in cf and church never stops although by that time, we face alot of shit. She tat kind of person that do things senyap2 de. And guess wat, im the bastard that always left the work to her when we r in cf. And yet, she doesnt sound abit nia.......she is hundred times alot stronger compare to the situation i witnessed now. She is juz way more better.

Kinda miss her though, miss the time we serve in cf together and the piano sound.......haha. She is the only pianist at cf (now of course no piano anymore, only some lame guitar plying by me). Anyway, i sincerely wishing her for a better future in her career and also wish her could faster find a bf also(very kelian d, the girls who r willing to serve, no boys wan them).......

So, good luck senior........keep serving for God.......